Chaos of Life...

Sometimes in life you just get so caught up everything... and by everything?

• stepdad getting a lung transplant
• course fully loaded with senior classes
• trying to stay on top of homework
• keeping up on projects for future presentations
• work
• living situations
• puppies
• car troubles 
• new boyfriend

And all the anxiety that comes with it... 

It's become such a whirlwind of emotions and I can't handle it anymore.




                                          I
                                               Can't
                                                        Handle
                                                                    It.




What do I do? What can I do? My depression is horrible tonight. I'm so frustrated I just want to yell... I'm ready just to give up. I just want to cry. Who cares anyways? Sure doesn't seem like anybody does. They say they do, but nobody really seems to show it.

I feel like I'm barely holding it together most days.

It's summer!

Summer means: 

-heat

-beaches

-hanging out

-vacations

-family

-friends

-adventures

And...?

-work?

-school? 

Adulthood. 

That's what this summer brings for me, becoming more of an adult. And just because I say becoming an adult I don't mean becoming a bore (which I feel I am most days anyways, but that's another matter), I mean becoming an adult and facing the responsibilities that lie ahead of me. Paying bills, saving money, budgeting wisely both time and money, affording to put gas in the car. 

We're so quick as kids to wish away "the easy life" expecting bigger and better things on our own. And don't get me wrong, I have had some of the bigger and better moments, but if I could go back and tell younger me something it'd be this:

Don't wish the "easy life" away. Enjoy being home everyday, take the time to respect your parents having you do chores because once you get out on your own, they ain't gonna be done themselves. Take the time for family as well as friends. I have so much time with friends being away from home (as they essentially became family) that there never seems to be enough time with family when you are home. And remember, one day you'll wish you had it all again. But there's no going back, only forwards. 

Being an adult is hard sometimes, more often than it is easy. I often complain "I don't want to be an adult", "I don't want to adult today", or even "who made me adult?! Adulting is hard...". 

I'm sure many can relate, but whether we want to or not, we have to. Nobody said growing up (AKA becoming an adult) would be easy, in fact we often times stare in disbelief at the crazies that tell us otherwise! 

"What could be hard about making your own rules?!" one normally asks... 

-bills

-budgeting

-job

-money management 

-time management; both recreational, job, and educational

-house chores

-car responsibility 

I'm sure the list could continue for quite awhile. 

Essentially, what I'm trying to say, especially to those just getting ready to start a new adventure whether it's starting college, starting grad school, new marriages, whatever it may be! 

Enjoy the season of life you're living, because whatever comes next will be a new adventure you'll have to embark on. And if you sit back and try to reminisce about what you had before, you'll be missing the adventure in your hands. 

Spring Break 2015

Well, it's Thursday of spring break and I'm packing up all my stuff to head back to campus early. Adulthood requires, you know, like working and stuff. 

The last couple of weeks my saying has been "I don't want to adult!" because I really don't. I sometimes wish I was still in high school and home everyday simply because I miss my family. 

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being at college and the life I have their, I just love having time with my family and though I had nothing to do, my sister was at school, mom at work... And than there was church stuff a few nights during the week while I was home so I didn't get as much time as I wanted with all of the loved ones. 

There's never enough hours in the day. 

But, that doesn't make me any less thankful for the time I did get with them. Mom, Dad, grandparents, step-parents, little sister, a few friends. I just wish I had more time. 

Though I'm going back to college for the rest of break, I'm still going to have fun! I absolutely love my job! It's the greatest work environment with some of the best coworkers. And a Fargo Force hockey game on Saturday with some of my friends! First hockey game of the year! Literally, I haven't gone to a hockey game since last season... 

Guess I should go make sure the rest of my clothes are dry, pack up the car and some lunch, and hit the road! 

Hope you're enjoying your break and being safe! 

Being A Christian

When you hear the word Christian I assume most like to think of a person who's got it all together. Their life is perfect, especially if they grew up in a Christian home. If you're like me you think that everybody around you has had a perfect life, that it is perfect. I realized something tonight... 

The broken down, tired of life, struggling through their days, are the ones who seem the happiest. 

People that are just. like. me. ... 

I'm a Christian. I truly believe that God sent his one and only son Jesus as a living sacrifice for our sins. But I always thought I was the only one lost and broken down. Which was absolutely ridiculous because I know so many details of my fellow believers lives. Past and present. So many times I've prayed for them. 

It took me until tonight to realize not a single Christian's life becomes a happily ever after the second they begin believing. 

I've been a Christian for many years now and I still have yet to find that happily ever after. But through the struggles I do find peace knowing I have a loving, caring, holy being by my side with me always. 

This may all sound cliche but it's true. I know words can never truly express what one feels. 

Jesus loves you. He loves you for you. Your mistakes, failures, He's willing to carry your burdens. He loves you for your triumphs, your good deeds, your love you give to others. 

But most importantly, He is there for you! 

He doesn't promise that everything will get better the instance you accept Him into your life, but He does promise He will be there through it all. 

Every person who's ever been hurt by another human, anytime you've felt alone, anytime you rejoice, He's been there. Nobody has ever had a perfect life, Jesus didn't even have one.  He was put to death in the cross by the ones He loved! 

But the story doesn't end there, oh no! 

We know the ending to the story, Jesus wins. We will live happily ever after. For eternity! Though we all go through the sins of a fallen world now, there will be a new Heaven and a new Earth, one in which there is no pain or suffering. One where every Christian will have a perfect life full of love. 

If you look around now and seeing those whom say they have a perfect life, especially if their non-believers, don't believe it for a second. Every Christina I know has their struggles. But it's the love of God and fellow believers in which peace can be found. It's the times of hurt, of anger, of struggles that brings the love of Christ and the happiness that will alter your view on life's perfection. 

So long 2014;

I'm sitting here waiting for mom to let me know she's on her way home from work so I can finish dinner. 

It's 31 December 2014. New Year's Eve. 

I can't help but to reflect on this last year. And all its craziness. 

2014 started with spending 4 days in the twin cities at TCX with college students through the upper Midwest at Cru's winter conference. This year I'm finishing 2014 at home, until I go with friends later. And it's hard tonight... Introversion is kicking in. Oh, well... Haven't seen these guys in eons! So I'm making myself go (and by myself I mean my best friend Sara). LOVE YOU! 

I have so much to reflect on... I've gotten life somewhat under control, and by that I mean time management and stress/depression so I can be a "functional adult" in society. Still gotta work on that whole money thing... But it's getting there. 

And I think I got a bit more of this school stuff done, which shouldn't be too surprising as credit wise I'm considered a senior! Still consider myself a freshman though. 

But, when it comes to the people in my life, both old and new, I couldn't be more blessed! The community I have in Cru is unbelievable! I love each and everyone of you! 

My work life, I love my job so much at Family Christian primarily for my coworkers. It really is a family there. Thank you all for being so amazing and making me feel so welcomed from my first day, and everyday I walk in (especially the days I dread coming in; introverts get at its best). 

Now, the more broad category of college itself. I honestly could not have been placed with a better roommate by chance! Megan, I freaking love living with you, even if you are a cheese head. 

I've also met so many new people that I now considers friends from my theater minor classes, never thought that that would've happened! 

Looking back it's been a crazy roller coaster, with the year ending much higher than it started. I only hope next year is much of the same.

Here's to 2014! 

Here's to well wishing and blessings to all for 2015 (and maybe a guy for me??? Just kidding!) 

Lord bless you tonight and be safe! 

So proud!

I just want to take a post and brag about my little sister. She's 14, and sometimes our 6 year difference is hard on both of us. I remember 8th grade, and the things she's going through now, a lot of it I did too. Only difference, I only knew my friends at this point about a year and a half as we had just moved there, but she got to grow up with these kids! And she gets the annoying, "oh! Are you Tori's little sister?" ;) 

But, I'm so glad that we have such an amazing relationship that she is open to asking for help and advice. The other day she face timed me on my break at work just so I could help her on her science homework. It was fantastic! 

The real reason I want to blog about Miss Punky is because of how proud I am of her! She got her first major injury the other day... A sprained wrist! Granted, by her age I've already had a broken arm, but she's got me beat. She found a sport she enjoys more than any other. SWIMMING! This child, I tell you, is a fish! I'm so proud she found something to call her own, because for so long she was always wanting to be a Mini-Me. I know practically nothing about swimming (last year I new nothing at all) but I love being able to watch her swim and enjoy every minute of it. It makes my heart happy seeing her happy. And, her captain from this year, I knew in high school as she was a few years younger and we were in band stuff together, is such a good influence on her I can't help but be thankful for her too. 

Back to her wrist, is it bad that I'm proud of her for that?! I mean, I don't want her going out and intentionally hurting herself, I sorta feel like the big brother of the situation though. I'm glad it's nothing too serious like a concussion or whatever, I mean, it's her non-dominate wrist so she can still write fine. And I face timed her last night just to see how she was feeling about it, so I care, but I still think it's awesome she has her first major injury. :) 

I just love my sister! Punky, I can't wait to be home for Christmas! I miss you so stinking much! MWAH! 

 There she is! She's the tall one with the green cap. She's even taller than me! The butthead... 

And this is the family cheering her on at a meet. :) 

End of the line...

Well, obviously my New Years resolution of blogging more didn't happen... I don't even know where the year went! It's finals week here at school and there's just a lot going through my mind so I thought it's time to blog! 

Finals, oh my goodness the overload of papers this semester! I thought being a science major was hard each semester with like 4-5 finals to study for, but this last semester I took only one science class and the rest generals or classes for my theater minor. THERES SO MANY PAPERS! Never again will I complain about one or two papers for finals... Just give me a test to study for and I'll call it good. 

I'm minoring in theater so yesterday I had my acting final. I had a scene partner and we performed our scene. Two hours we sat through the final so all 10 groups could perform. I had such a fun time in the class! I didn't know what to expect, I just took it because it's required for the minor... I only ver wanted to do behind stage stuff, like managing the stage! But it was fun acting for once, though I was always nervous as all get out before doing scenes or the monologue. But, my classmates were the best! I'm going to miss them come this spring as I'll be on science class overload again. 

Next up, papers for mythology, intercultural communication, and a lloooong journal entry for my acting class... Not excited. If I wanted to write all these senseless (in my opinion) papers I would've been an English major. I don't even like writing reports for my science classes! (I joke and tell people I'm going to hire a ghost writer for when I do research in my future.) But, such as life. Guess we all know what I'll be doing tomorrow before working all night! 

Oh my goodness, WORK! The last couple of weeks I've been trying to figure out why I was so far behind on homework, it was work! First is Thanksgiving extended sales with a million people that just wipe me put, and now, December has extended holiday hours! I'm at work an extra hour or two almost every night which cuts out of homework time. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my job... I just need to learn to better prioritize my time and schedule better. Oh being a functional adult... But, money pays for things like a phone and food. And gas, and insurance... Who knew growing up would be so exhausting? 

Oh, right. Our parents. 

Well, good luck on finals yall! Enjoy Christmas Break and enjoy the time at home away from college for a few weeks! 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!